I thought BDSM was all whips and chains

Though I’ve placed a great deal of emphasis on being a good lover for my wife, 22 years as of this writing, I’d always discarded kink as being for weird, messed-up people who liked to play act. I wasn’t into play-acting. I wanted it real.

Then Fifty happened. My wife read it first, and told me about it. We’re both hardcore readers, and her references carry great weight with me. She introduced me to George R. R. Martin, Brandon Sanderson, Elizabeth Cunningham, Harry Potter. She insisted I read The Time Traveler’s Wife, Lovely Bones, and later, Story of O. In my top 10 favorite books/series, 7 of those slots are titles she introduced me to.

So when she said “You have to read Fifty”, I smirked. Yes, she had a fabulous track record, but there were a few. But despite my masculine sensitivity to being given bedroom direction, I read it.

And it clicked. Holy shit. That’s what this is? I learned what I was, and what I wasn’t. I wasn’t a sadist. Not a weirdo. I was a Dominant. Needless to say, it opened my horizons. Say what you will about Ms. James as a writer, she has earned my undying respect and fealty. My lady concurs. 🙂

More books followed, completely new material. Completely new territory.

Pauline Reage. Anais Nin. Athol Kay. Jay Wiseman. Diana Gabaldon. Et al. Over the next few years I delved into all the material I could find about the topic, even How-Tos. Matthew Laroco. Elizabeth Cramer.   We checked out FetLife.com and even reddit and various bloggers. As I said, I place a great deal of emphasis on being a good lover, and I wanted to know it all.

“A man can be Dominant, assertive and sexual, and still be a gentleman and a feminist.”

What I learned was that it was nearly impossible to find somebody who shared our particular approach to kink. The closest was John and Libby Warren’s “The Loving Dominant”, but even that wasn’t quite my style. It was missing something.

My lady and I discussed it, and I decided to finally undertake my lifelong intention of becoming a writer. My initial plan of writing fantasy I threw out the window. I wanted to write about important topics.

Relationships. Love. Romance. Sex. Really fucking hot, romantic, mind-numbingly erotic sexy fucking sex. I wanted to share with others everything I have learned over twenty five years of sex- and  married life. I wanted to explain what Alpha should mean. The difference between D/s and BDSM, between kinksters and true weirdos.

Why consent is so goddamn important.

Why open, honest, candid communication is too.

How a man can be Dominant, assertive and sexual, and still be a gentleman and a feminist.

And so JR was born.


My first book is The Rules – Marshall. My wife -a fiery, beautiful, red-headed, intellectual feminist- and I spent years learning about our particular craft, and to date, nearly a year-and-a-half writing TR-M. Revision after revision, poring over sentences and philosophy and ethics and intricate details of a complex character in one of the most subtle and complicated environments that two humans can share.

My lady knows what’s up. She’s read more goddamn books than Book Jesus. If TR-M passes her requirements for smart, intriguing, sophisticated, sexy romance, it should pass anybody’s.

No, TR-M doesn’t fit the mold. Sylvia Day’s requirements for romance doesn’t apply. I’d like to think it’s a bit different. I’d like to hope it’s a bit more. Time will tell.

I am currently querying for agent representation. I expect a rocky road. I’m a man writing in a woman’s genre, and I’m flouting all the rules. Ironic? No. Intentional. Please feel free to check out excerpts. Hit me up with any questions. I’m an approachable guy, I promise, and I love talking about this shit. All day long, with anybody.

And if you like what you find, share! I want to help. Get the word out. Maybe even teach somebody who thinks the way I once did, and open them up to a world of uninhibited love, romance and sexuality.

John Pendleton